A patient shared this with me, and gave me permission to post his migraine poem. He wrote this at 3:00am while suffering from a migraine, mostly to explain it to non-sufferers, but also to thank his wife (and caretaker).
I wanted to take the opportunity to post it as a reminder that migraineurs are not alone in their thoughts and pain, and their interdependence on loved ones. We can use this to fuel the fire in our fight against headache. February is Headache on the Hill.
I lay half awake
It is not yet dawn
I search for the pain,
Which side are you on?
The front, back, the right or left?
“Does it really matter?” I ask under my breath
I rub my eyes try to think about the day
Then I find you. You never went away.
There you are, my daily reminder
Why on Earth can’t you be gentler or kinder?
It’s time to get ready
Try to organize my thoughts
The pain is intense,
I lose all the plots
I wash my face, wet my hair to get going,
My wife is watching
“How you feeling today?”
She asks, always knowing
My answer’s the same
As the days, weeks, & months before
“Pain is still there, I’ll just try to ignore.”
She tries to be patient, she does really well
It hurts her too. I know, I can tell.
I really can’t remember, how long it has been
Since I was normal when the day would begin
I take all the meds that the Doc says should help
“Just another hopeless dream.” I say to myself
I get through the day, exhausted and weak
The pain and the meds have me dead on my feet
“How do you do it?” people always ask
“Because I have to. It’s as simple as that.”
I arrive home and my family is leery
What kind of mood is he in?
Is it goofy or fury?
I want to be happy and really do try
But the pain in my head says
“Nope. Not Tonight!”
I gripe, complain, and make everyone feel bad
I know that my son just wants his Dad
I haven’t even mentioned the depression and sadness
Why in the hell can’t I escape all this madness?
What did I do to deserve such a fate?
Not put enough in the collection plate?
I take a hot shower and squeeze my head crying
I swear that it feels like my spirit is dying
I pray to God and beg for mercy
I just want a day without pain, without cursing
I then think of Jesus, the burden he bore
The pain he endured so my soul can be restored
I do not dare to think that I am Him
Or that this is equal to the torture inflicted by men
I talk to myself, I talk to the walls
What else can I do other than bawl?
I continue to pray and ask for a sign
Then I remember. She’s there by my side
She’s held my hand, rubbed my temples
She’s tried to comfort me when I start to tremble
She’s wiped my tears, and rubbed my back
What have I done to deserve love like that?
I never really say thank you
Just take her for granted, always forgetting
The love that I’ve been handed
I don’t suffer alone, yet I feel so empty
Just please Dear God, take this pain away from me
We could be so happy, just like we were
Back in the day before being cursed
So I take more meds and continue to hope
Maybe there’s an answer in all of this dope
I’ll meet with my Doctor, make more plans
Talk about results, More therapies, More scans
Eight trials down. Many more to go
Hoping for results that have promise to show
Migraines are difficult and painful
To say the least
I’m not just talkin about one, two, or three
Ten to eighteen a month.
Those are the numbers for me
They dominate my world
Have taken over my life
They even control my job, my children, and my beautiful wife.
If you see me in pain, please don’t ask “What can I do?”
Just give me some space, eventually, I’ll get through.
Not all days are bad, some are really nice
I just wish there were more, just a few would suffice
- Anonymous, 2019
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